Top Five Saddest Films of All Time
#5: “Marriage Story”. This is the only film in my top five that isn’t based, in some fashion, on a true story, though it is painfully relatable. It’s a story about a divorcing couple and their pained attempts at maintaining their friendship, and as it makes my personal top five, it should spoil nothing to say that relations get considerably strained. The climax of the film has been memed considerably, but this film had brought me to tears several times before then and that climax hurts to watch; if you found that moment unrealistic, I envy you because that means you’ve never seen that happen in real life and I assure you it happens in real life.
#4: “Fruitvale Station”. This is a semi-biographical film chronicling the last day in the life of Oscar Grant, who died after being shot by a police officer under conditions that, to put it mildly, did not warrant Grant being shot. It’s the sort of material that could have been milked for award-baiting shlock, but director Ryan Coogler opts for a surprisingly simple approach, allowing the audience to get to know Grant (played by Michael B. Jordan) and grow to like the guy before ramping up to the gut punch of its climax. Easily the saddest film of the past decade.
#3: “Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father”. This is the only documentary on my list and the only thing keeping it this low is that the top two are basically untouchable. Following the murder of Andrew Bagby at the hands of his ex, his childhood friend and frequent filmmaking partner, Kurt Kuenne, turns to interviewing friends and family so Bagby’s child, Zachary, can know what his father was like. Kuenne’s goal changes, however, when the ex, who is also Zachary’s mother, causes hell for Bagby’s surviving parents through legal shenanigans, and that’s about as far as a responsible synopsis can go because that’s when STUFF GOES DOWN. If you want to be in the mood to punch everything, watch this documentary. If you are a parent, have something on hand to calm your nerves before watching this documentary because you’re going to need it.
#2: “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”. This is a biographical drama based on the memoir of the same name written by Jean-Dominique Bauby, a journalist who suffered a stroke that left him with a form of locked-in syndrome, rendering him mentally fit but unable to move any part of his body save his left eye. You might read that description and think, “Gee, that doesn’t sound like a fun movie to watch,” and you’re right! It isn’t! It’s terribly wrenching! There’s one scene where he tries to have a phone conversation and it’s the second-saddest thing I’ve ever seen in a film! The film eventually threads the needle to being aspirational, but this is about as sad as live-action films get.
#1: “Grave of the Fireflies”. This is an anime adaptation of a semi-biographical short story of the same name, about siblings who try to survive in the Japanese countryside during the final days of World War II. Basically, take every story you’ve ever experienced about kids living on their own and throw all of them in the bin because “Fireflies” is a million times more heartbreaking than all of them combined will ever be, climaxing with the saddest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen in any media, ever. There’s an English dub, but it can’t hope to capture the magic of the original Japanese voiceovers considering the young sister is portrayed by an actress roughly the same age as the character and some of the most powerful moments in the film(/the history of cinema) are greatly informed by that creative decision.
Adapted from a Facebook post dated November 2020, edited for context and language.
netflix is probably adding commercials soon and i have related feelings about it that are likely greatly influenced by what others have said
For whatever could be said about rival streaming services, most of them approach their content through the lens of being a content provider first and the technology second. This has bitten plenty of streaming services in the keister when it comes to, well, the act of streaming (Disney+ occasionally requires a restart on my Roku to run well and good luck rewinding on HBO Max without causing World War 3), but when it comes to cultivating programming for a wide audience, these rival services understand and respect the niches they are serving, which is how you get stuff like a 30-Rockification of the life story of one of America's most respected poets and the director of a "Thor" film making a TV show about gay pirates.
With Netflix, however, if a project isn't an immediate international smash, it's on the chopping block, and if it isn't a smash after two seasons, it's probably dead. "American Vandal"? Critically acclaimed, did great numbers, canceled after two seasons. "Babysitters Club"? Critically acclaimed, did great numbers, canceled after two seasons. "G.L.O.W."? Critically acclaimed, did great numbers, got three seasons, filming of the fourth season was underway but got shut down thanks to the pandemic, then canceled. "Santa Clara Diet"? Critically acclaimed, did great numbers, canceled after three seasons, and if a sizable audience that would watch Drew Barrymore in literally anything can't assure your story reaches its proper end, then nothing short of a "Orange Is the New Black" or "Squid Game" is safe, which speaks to a bigger problem than "Netflix canceled my favorite show". With Netflix's proven track record for killing shows without mercy, why should I get invested in the next show Netflix puts out?
Fortunately, if cable is any indication, ads will serve as a wonderful short-term solution, which is probably all they care about. The problem is what comes after the short term, and before you know it, Netflix will be filled to the brim with ads and they'll be asking you to pay five-to-seven extra bucks a month so you have access to their latest hip show starring your favorite actress that they'll cancel a whole season before the story proper concludes.
tl;dr: season six of "Big Mouth" premieres later this year.
I Sure Am Glad I Watched the Oscars!
I didn’t have “write a post-Oscars blog post” on my itinerary, mostly because I figured nothing interesting was going to happen (though, fine: this space would’ve been nothing but expletives if Don’t Look Up had won Best Picture). Things, however, got, well…interesting, so here I am.
-I don’t know what the solution to my complaint is, but the entire presentation of the show needs a makeover. From the stifling atmosphere to the odd choice of presenters to a misallocation of time that resulted in the costume design award getting its own segment while Hans Zimmer took home an award during a commercial break, the show had an air of artifice and obligation behind it, and that’s without getting into its interminable runtime. I realize these jokes can be made about many past ceremonies, but just because it has been a problem for a while doesn’t mean it always needs to be a problem. As much as I appreciate that technical accomplishments in film deserve to be acknowledged, this could’ve been cut down to a vibrant hour instead of a slumber three-and-a-half.
-I didn’t say this in my ten-thousand-word preview piece because I was afraid of how it was going to come across, but I suppose I should say it now: while Drive My Car was the best of the Best Picture nominees, the best story or headline or however else you want to put it would come from CODA winning. In addition to being a story about people that usually aren’t depicted in a respectful light, it is a modern success story, going from being the little indie film that could, to winning the top prize at the most visible film awards show in the world. A cynic might call that pandering or a miscarriage of justice in pursuit of a Monday morning headline, but I cried for joy when it was announced as the winner. Props, too, for Troy Kotsur winning Best Supporting actor as well as Siân Héder with the second-biggest shock of the night, winning Best Adapted Screenplay in a field that also included Drive My Car, Dune, and The Power of the Dog. There have been too many post-Oscar slumps to put forth that she’s now “made” for life, but she should be “made” for life.
-That’s not the headline coming out of the show, however. Rather, Chris Rock made an insensitive and bad joke that wouldn’t have been amusing even if it wasn’t at the expense of someone’s medical condition, and Will Smith made sure Rock knew it. We’re less than twelve hours removed from the slap heard around the world and I’m already sick of the discourse, and while my phrasing in the previous sentence should inform of my perspective, I honestly just think the whole thing is more amusing than anything and attempts to take it seriously assign more purpose to it than it deserves. If anything does come of this, I wholly expect we’ll land at the stupidest possible place, so if we reach the point where most stand-up consists of comedians standing behind wire mesh while joking about how all the starving orphans had it coming, I’d like it on the record that I called it, y’all.
Soft launch for now
Still hoping to get a lot more of the archives done and I hope to have something up for the Oscars before it happens.